Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson I fell in love with this poem after watching the movie "Akeelah the Bee."  As I continued to read it, different meanings came about.  The one stance or sentence that most reflects me right now is. "it is our light, not our darkness that frightens us."  I consider my journey of overcoming my obstacles as my recovery.  I find myself holding onto some of my recovery issues.  I periodically find myself coming back to my history of sexual abuse as a 5/6 year old or coming back to my journey of being a victor instead of a victim of a car accident.  Do you ever find yourself not wanting to let go of something?  I do all the time.  When working through my recovery of the car accident from May of 2005 with my pastor in WA, I learned that most of me didn't want to let it go.  I thought that if I let it go, it would be letting go of the justice and all the feelings.  Because we forgive, it does not give meaning that the event didn't happen or mean anything less.  I find that if I let it go, I can't use it as an excuse any more.  When you hold onto something for so long, it feels so much apart of you (even though it's not healthy).  I'm fortunate to have awesome loving parents and a sister as well as brother-in-law that walk with me in my journey.  I'm blessed to have friends, accountability partners, and awesome pastoral staff to guide me, support me, and at times slap me in the face to open my eyes (okay, not literally).  At church our current series is about our path, what path are you on.  Our direction determines our destination.  I have been loving every minute of listening to Pastor Dana on this series.  I look back on the paths that I have taken and where I have ended.  I so often tend to look at either my past or my future.  Matthew 34 “So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today."  There is only one person who knows our path that we need to be on, He has our plans.  How do you trust in God, How do you give Him everything so you can carry out those plans.  Lately feel like I take 1 step forward and then take 10 steps back.  My eyes are open to the path that I'm on, however, I battle with that trust and keep taking matters into my own hands.  I'm scared of taking that next step.  It's time to give it all to Him.