Here be dragons

Here be dragons is a phrase that has been used to denote dangerous or unexpected territories. In history, you may find dragons printed on a map to depict those dangerous territories in order that you may find an alternative route. Often when we run into or know of a dangerous "territory" we don't want to face it, we go around.

In life, and I fully am quilty of this, we go around dangerous or unpredictable "territories" or we want "somebody" or "things" to just fall in the right place. We don't want to do the hard work ourselves or we are scared we are going to fail. I struggle with my career and not feeling successful or under educated, not knowing the basics. I struggle in the gym and my transformation for my lifestyle change. I'm afraid I'm going to fail, gain the weight back or not achieve my goals. I fear all the time regarding the future, knee surgery coming up, decisions i make everyday and messing up. And I admit, I just wish success would come to me "easy.".

I found this quote: Maybe sometimes... You have to stop waiting for someone to come along and fix what's wrong. Maybe...you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself and realize that no one else has the right answer. Maybe sometimes you just have to be... You're own HERO.

I have to admit, I've been more stressed and angry over the last few weeks. Last night, I couldn't let go of thinking we're this anger and stress was coming from. Finally I admitted to myself about the fear I have. My biggest fear right now is my bilateral knee surgery coming up the end of may. I'm scared that having myn7th surgery on my left knee what won't. I'm scared having my first surgery on my right will lead to many more. I'm scared I won't be able to participate in more triathlons. But on the opposite, I'm afraid that I won't be successful as completing a sprint distance triathlon. A sprint triathlon is often 750 yd swim, 13 or 12 mile bike, and a 3.2 mile run. I'm scared of the recovery of the surgeries, gaining weight and not being able to be as active. But also scared of all the pain. I'm scared of the effects it will have on my job. The last few weeks, more in the last week, I've had to change my workouts. I had to quit jogging due to the stress on the joints. I have had to modify workouts to decrease high impact movements. I might be thirty, but my knees are double or Tripp,e what my real age is. I haven't accepted my reality. I often push myself in the gym, with at times forgetting my limitations. Just ask my personal trainer, I'm constantly dripping with sweat, wanting to do more and go further. I find that I'm modifying work to have assistance with the more challenging and heavier transfers. I find that my pain has increased to the point where medications have been needed. Those medications lead to another set of battle with foggiest, drowsiness, and decrease in mental clarity. Therefore, I've stopped utilizing the narcotics and trying to work through pain with Tylenol and alieve.

Sometimes we need to face our fear. We need to go to the dragons and fight to become our own heroes. I think of the movie, "how to train a dragon." nobody is going to do things for us. Things are not going to happen on their own. We have to pick up our own sword and fight off our own dragons.